Dear High School Valentine,
You created a day of the year to make me realize that I am alone. So I'm bitter. I hate you.
Dear current Valentine,
You didn't create this day. God did. And He made it good. I didn't find you. God brought us together. And He is continually making us better. I was bitter in high school because of people who are in love like us, but now I understand that every day was created to celebrate Love. And everyone can have Love, especially if God is Love. My anger back then kept me from seeking after the Love who created love. And He is mine. And He gave you to me to love as He has loved me. Let's not use this day to celebrate ourselves, but the God who taught us to love each other as crazily as we do.
Dear High School Girls,
Please change your perspective. You're losing everything by choosing to be bitter every February 14th. Love is much bigger than one day. It is bigger than a romantic relationship. Showing love to others is what God expects of us every moment of every day. And being bitter about something as God-filled as love is a dangerous road.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Friday, February 3, 2012
Jump
Seventeen feet above the surface of Lake Tahoe is the top of an old boat lift that belongs to my great-uncle. My brothers, cousins, and I have spent many summers atop that lift sun-bathing, watching fireworks, or straining to see the last light of day reflect off the surface of the lake. The closest any of us had ever been to taking the other way down was simply peering over the edge before, reluctantly, taking the ladder instead.
Last summer was different.
The water level had risen a good four feet, and it was finally safe for us to jump off the top of that old lift. It didn't mean that we wanted to. But we could.
I'm gonna do it, I kept telling myself. I have to. I'm going to.
Much easier said than done, I must say.
Our first day on the lake was spent outside on the deck. It was a cool, beautiful day, but all I could think about was that drop. It's a long fall, Jen, I would think. Don't be reckless. But as soon as I caught myself feeling more gutsy than fearful, I knew it was time for me to go. Down the stairs I flew, with a towel in my hand -- fully clothed, of course. I couldn't risk losing such a strong emotion for the sake of a swimsuit.
My little brother trailed close behind -- he wanted to jump as well, just not by himself. He helped me a lot as well. There is strength in numbers.
As we started down the dock to the lift, I found myself doing all I could to silence my mind. Don't think, just go.
"Are you scared?" my little brother asked me.
"Yep."
"You don't look scared."
"Well... I can't look scared. Everyone's watching."
As we finished climbing the ladder, I knew I had no more time to lose. If I thought about it any longer, I'd end up climbing back down. I walked to the front edge and scoped out where I needed to land. With no time in between, I jogged to the back end of the lift, sprinted forward, and jumped straight out.
No time for second thoughts. No time to go back. Just straight hang time. And I was free.
I don't know what happened in me that day. I stared Reason in the face and then spat in it. Me. The girl who over-thinks and over-analyzes literally everything. But in those few minutes it took to walk down to the lift, I shut that part of myself down. I actually took a risk after I had analyzed it enough to know that it was an unnecessary thing for me to do. And I chose to be okay with it. I jumped.
It is an interesting feeling being suspended above a rapidly approaching body of water. In the literal sense of time, there's not enough of it to do or say anything besides a quick WHAT AM I DOING?! What's fascinating, though, is that those few moments felt like minutes to me. So many thoughts were rushing through my head but, looking back, I realize that God Himself was with me in those moments of free-fall, and those were the moments I treasured most from that week on the lake.
I believe with everything in me that God wants me to live my life in hang time. He desires for me to trust Him enough to jump without reservation and brace myself for wherever He lands me. But in the time between the lift and the water, there is an inexplicable freedom and peace. It is a heavenly moment where you're no longer strapped to the land and all you can do is trust the wind to carry you to your landing point. It is a place of complete and total trust that God will land you where you will be even more immersed in Him.
I want to live my life there. I want to know God and trust God enough to jump without hesitation when He tells me to jump, to soar with Him on the way down, and to rejoice with Him after the landing. That is a life that is untethered. A life truly lived. A life that has been freed.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Last summer was different.
The water level had risen a good four feet, and it was finally safe for us to jump off the top of that old lift. It didn't mean that we wanted to. But we could.
I'm gonna do it, I kept telling myself. I have to. I'm going to.
Much easier said than done, I must say.
Our first day on the lake was spent outside on the deck. It was a cool, beautiful day, but all I could think about was that drop. It's a long fall, Jen, I would think. Don't be reckless. But as soon as I caught myself feeling more gutsy than fearful, I knew it was time for me to go. Down the stairs I flew, with a towel in my hand -- fully clothed, of course. I couldn't risk losing such a strong emotion for the sake of a swimsuit.
My little brother trailed close behind -- he wanted to jump as well, just not by himself. He helped me a lot as well. There is strength in numbers.
As we started down the dock to the lift, I found myself doing all I could to silence my mind. Don't think, just go.
"Are you scared?" my little brother asked me.
"Yep."
"You don't look scared."
"Well... I can't look scared. Everyone's watching."
As we finished climbing the ladder, I knew I had no more time to lose. If I thought about it any longer, I'd end up climbing back down. I walked to the front edge and scoped out where I needed to land. With no time in between, I jogged to the back end of the lift, sprinted forward, and jumped straight out.
No time for second thoughts. No time to go back. Just straight hang time. And I was free.
I don't know what happened in me that day. I stared Reason in the face and then spat in it. Me. The girl who over-thinks and over-analyzes literally everything. But in those few minutes it took to walk down to the lift, I shut that part of myself down. I actually took a risk after I had analyzed it enough to know that it was an unnecessary thing for me to do. And I chose to be okay with it. I jumped.
It is an interesting feeling being suspended above a rapidly approaching body of water. In the literal sense of time, there's not enough of it to do or say anything besides a quick WHAT AM I DOING?! What's fascinating, though, is that those few moments felt like minutes to me. So many thoughts were rushing through my head but, looking back, I realize that God Himself was with me in those moments of free-fall, and those were the moments I treasured most from that week on the lake.
I believe with everything in me that God wants me to live my life in hang time. He desires for me to trust Him enough to jump without reservation and brace myself for wherever He lands me. But in the time between the lift and the water, there is an inexplicable freedom and peace. It is a heavenly moment where you're no longer strapped to the land and all you can do is trust the wind to carry you to your landing point. It is a place of complete and total trust that God will land you where you will be even more immersed in Him.
I want to live my life there. I want to know God and trust God enough to jump without hesitation when He tells me to jump, to soar with Him on the way down, and to rejoice with Him after the landing. That is a life that is untethered. A life truly lived. A life that has been freed.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
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