To Be a Child

There is a certain innocence about children that adults can clearly see, but not always fully understand. Children are wise, aware, and incredibly understanding - yet they maintain a certain air about themselves that leaves adults wondering, desperately straining to remember what it was like to be so... free. We have forgotten what it is like to be a child.

This desire stems from the seed that God has planted in the heart of every single man and woman who has ever lived. God created Man to worship Him, and so He has given every man that urge - though it may be satisfied in ways God had not intended. To worship is "to feel or express reverence or adoration." To worship is to be like the child who stands before his parents in adoration. To worship is to look upon the face of God with such love-struck awe that it impossible to be stolen away by anything else. It is not a matter of music. It is not art. It is 100% pure and innocent admiration and adoration offered up by the creation to his Creator. It is the call upon each and every one of our lives - why we were made: to worship the God who created life itself.

Those who enter the Kingdom of Heaven will enter "as a child." Not literally in the form of a child -- I can't imagine Heaven being like a giant playground -- but with the heart of a child. We enter through Heaven's gates with a heart that is so pure and untainted by the distractions in this world that all we desire to do is to look upon the face of our Maker. To stand before Him and hear that He is proud of us and pleased with what we've done is, like a child, our greatest pride and joy.

Worship, therefore, is the most passion-filled act that any person on this earth can do. It is the source of where we find purpose on this earth. It is the privilege of heart-felt communion with God Himself, and He delights in it just as a father delights in his children.

God has called worshipers who will worship Him "in spirit and in truth." Not "in jumping and in solid harmonies." This is not to say that music or jumping is bad - it is just not, in my opinion, the source of worship itself. It is simply in those forms that the outpouring of praise and adoration happen -- it is the avenue by which we can express our pure love and adoration and awe to God. And it is in this true worship that He delights. A tongue-tied toddler's worship is, if offered in spirit and in truth, more pleasing to God than the worship of incredibly talented, yet heartless, worship bands.

That is my aim as a worship leader -- not to be focused on the music so much as where my own heart lies; whether, based on the position of my heart, my worship is worthy of God's ears. It's hard. I'm such a perfectionist (and musician) that I really desire the music to be as great as it possibly can be -- however, God desires a heart of worship. Music will come later. All I have to do at this point is be as a child, and God will handle the rest.

Life Lessons on the Playground

I'm sure you remember the swings. As soon as the bell went off, they were everyone's first priority. Especially considering that you KNEW that if you didn't book it there, you've lost your chance for the day's fun. Swings were (and still are) incredible.

I was driving home last night, just thinking about life, when I realized something extraordinarily simple, yet (to my knowledge) true: relationships are like the swing set.

Sounds strange - let me explain. As an experienced swinger (keep it clean), I understood the terms used when certain events occurred on the swings. My main example is the term "married." Once myself and the person swinging next to me were perfectly in sync, our automatic response was to shout, "WE'RE MARRIED!!"

Interestingly enough, this tends to be how relationships work. When you and another person are to be perfectly in sync with one another (and actually enjoy it), a solid relationship is formed. Seems simple enough.

Uh oh. Crisis. You're not the same person. You will get out of sync. It starts slowly, then becomes more dramatic and, next thing you know, you're not "married" anymore. Considering that (at least on the playground) the longer you're married with someone, the better swinger you are (again... keep it clean), we would do everything in our power to stay in sync. As soon as we became out of sync, we both made incredible efforts to get back in sync as soon as possible. We had to change the way we were moving and thinking so that we could get back on track. The earlier we caught ourselves, the faster we got back into a "marriage" that all the other kids on the playground wish they had.

I feel like we underestimate the wisdom that can be found in the simple way children think. It's important to understand that everyone has knowledge to share, whether it be the 87 year-old couple sitting in Starbucks or the seven year-old girl who loves being married on the swings.







Proverbs 5:18 _ May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

God is my Shepherd

Plain and simple - I have peace, and I want to share it with you all. But first must come a vocabulary lesson:

Shepherd: one who herds, guards, tends, or guides

Wanting: not meeting requirements or expectations

Rest:  relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance

Peaceful: undisturbed by strife, turmoil, or disagreement

Valley:  a long depression in the land surface, usually containing a river, formed by erosion or by movements in the earth's crust

Shadow: an area that is not or is only partially irradiated or illuminated because of the interception of radiation by an opaque object between the area and the source of radiation

Death: the termination or extinction of something

Fear:  a feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm caused by impending danger, pain, etc.

Close: being near in space or time

Beside: at the side of; next to

Rod: a scepter, staff, or wand symbolizing power or authority

Staff: a hooked rod used to direct a sheep toward the correct direction, or the curved end could be used to pull the sheep toward the shepherd. At times it was also used to chastise a disobedient sheep.

Protect: to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger

Feast: something extremely pleasing or sumptuous

Enemy: something that harms or opposes; adversary

Anoint: to choose by or as if by divine intervention

Cup: a lot or portion to be suffered or enjoyed; a small open container

Overflow: to fill or be filled beyond capacity so as to spill or run over

Unfailing: incapable of being entirely consumed or used up

Pursue: to follow in an effort to overtake or capture; chase

House: a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin

Then, Psalm 23:

God is my Shepherd. I won't be wanting. He lets me rest in green meadows, He leads me beside peaceful streams. He restores my soul. He guides me along the path of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for You are close beside me. Your rod and staff protect and comfort me. You prepare for me a feast in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of God forever.

God is my Shepherd. He leads me, guides me, and tends to me. I am not wanting - God has given me so much that there is nothing that needs be asked of Him. Even though I am in a depression caused by the circumstances around me, I will not fear. Though it is dark, I will seek that peaceful river that lies within this valley. I cannot be without peace, for You are standing right next to me here. Your rod reminds me that You are my King; Your staff reminds me that You are my Father. Both comfort me and guard me from the attacks of my adversaries. You are my feast, even when I am surrounded by danger and my enemies. You are my joy, my fulfillment, my celebration. You have called me Your own and chosen me for Your purposes; my life overflows with blessing because I have accepted Your call. Surely You are good. Surely Your love is unfailing as You are. And these will chase me until I am captured by Your love and Your kindness, even until the day I die. And I will make You my home, my refuge - the place where I truly belong.

The Bible is full of poetry. I have never had more peace in my heart than when reading this verse.

Love you guys!

From Beast to Prince Charming

I suppose my first childhood role model (apart from my mother) was Princess Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She had it all - wit, energy, brown hair. I could be her! All it took was a yellow dress, earrings, and, of course, a prince. A handsome prince. Not a scary one like Beast. Or even the nice one he turned into (his long hair immediately turned me off to the idea). No. He would be perfect. Inspiring. Charming. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that such boys cannot be found on the playground. It was then that I began to believe that they couldn't be found anywhere. It was a hopeless case, and I lost interest very quickly.

What I failed to recognize, however, is that Beast wasn't charming at all! He was rude, messy, and probably smelled really bad. He was mean, selfish, inconsiderate - everything that would repel the ladies (did you say "ladies" with an accent? Oh... me neither...). What I find interesting, though, is that after time, he began to transform. He became kind, gentle, caring. Gradually, he morphed into a handsome(ish) prince not only in character, but in every other way possible. Strange. Princes take time to develop? That's a different thought.

Prince Charming is real. He is, in fact (prepare for predictable, yet truthful, corn), Jesus Christ. And the Prince Charming you will find on earth (with patience) is a reflection of Jesus Christ. He is loving, caring, encouraging. He will protect you, wait for you, and take care of you. His intentions are pure, his love is unconditional, and he has your best interests in mind. He will sacrifice himself to make you whole and pay any price to keep you in his arms. That is who a true prince is. Not a man who can deceive you with smooth words and obligatory acts of "love." No. That man wants to get in your pants. He's not a prince, but is a dirty, lying beast who has absolutely no intention of keeping you, taking care of you, or protecting you. Um... in light of that, I prefer to have my prince. He's a real one.

To the girls reading this, please please PLEASE be patient. Most princesses in the movies found their princes without looking for them. They didn't have to put on a show to get a prince's attention. They didn't have to post attention-getting photos on their facebook. These princes found them and loved them without needing to be impressed (kind of... most princess movies are full of infatuation. But that's beside the point). My point is that you don't need to look for your prince. More often than not, he'll find you. Who knows? He may be your best friend - the one who just needs that bit of time to transform. Be patient, and don't let yourself be deceived in the meantime. It would break his heart.

World, I Have Overcome You

I was driving home today when I realized how hard I've fallen. I don't speak words of life. I succumb to the temptations of this world. I neglect the most important relationship I could ever have -- and I watch it all happen as if I cannot stop it. No. I allow it to happen.

So in the car, as I'm having my pity party, I realized that Jesus died to break the chains that hold me as I watch. The same power that He had dwells in me. He has given me the power to overcome "by the blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony." How have I become so prideful that I reject the grace that God has given me? How have I forgotten that there is more to this world than how you look, what others think of you, how much fun you have? All that is temporary.. stupid, even. There is absolutely no point. Where have I gone?

A wise friend of mine told me that the grace I can give to others is based on the grace I allow myself to receive from God. It is the same with everything else -- every problem I have and ever will have. He is the source. He is the source of everything. He is everything. If I refuse love from Love Himself, how can I expect to react to my family? Or my husband? My kids? (yeah, I'm jumping ahead a bit; but it's still a good thing to ponder)

Anyways, in this moment of wondering how I've ended up here, God whispered to me through a John Mark McMillan song. I wasn't really listening to the words (I was thinking really hard), but He made me listen to the chorus:

"World, I have overcome you

World, I have overcome you

World, I have overcome

By my song and the blood of a Son"

World, I have overcome you. I continue to repeat that to myself. I have overcome you. I have been given the power to overcome. Every time. Thank You, God.

And so, my journey begins. I will take another step, and continue doing so until I have finished the race. I have overcome the world by the blood of the Son of God. There is nothing more to life. How I look, my status, or what I do is irrelevant after I realize the fact that I am God's gem, and He has overcome that I may also overcome.

Revelation 12:11

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

A Cinderella Story

My day off began this morning at 11:23 when I woke up. Yes, I sleep very late when given the opportunity. I sat and pondered for a few short moments on what I would spend my day off doing until I realized that there were three days' worth of dishes sitting in the sink, a horrendous-looking floor and carpet, and a room that puts Hurricane Katrina to shame. Hence, my schedule for the day changed:

11:40 - dishes

12:10 - finish dishes, start vacuuming and mopping floor

1:15 - finish floors

1:18 - nutritious lunch of Ramen Noodles

1:30 - begin cleaning room

1:45 - start load one of laundry

2:15 - continue cleaning room

3:00 - start load two of laundry

3:45 - get distracted with old yearbooks

4:00 - continue cleaning room

5:45 - dust partially clean room

6:15 - start load three of laundry

6:45 - finish room and walk out to realize there are more dishes and three loads of laundry that need to be folded and put away

etc.

What I learned today? After getting frustrated at the fact that this should be my day off and doing every task with such a fact in mind, I realized something: don't mothers do this every day?? They are woken up at six in the morning (on a good day) and do everything I did today until the kids are asleep that night. AND they have to cook on top of everything. Cinderella realistically lived the life of a mother!

And so, my lesson for the day has been learned: appreciate the moms and future moms of today, and don't have sex. I don't want to be a mom yet.

Belief is Everything

My boyfriend, Aaron, and I had a conversation last night about God and faith that lasted about two and a half hours. That, in itself, says something about our relationship considering most couples our age can't even talk for two and a half minutes without making out. Weird.

He possesses a conviction that belief is everything. That things can be spoken into existence if spoken with faith in God and faith in the statement. It can, however, work the other way as well. If one holds a strong belief in something negative, he is essentially setting himself up for that belief to be true. For example, if a girl is always looking for the faults in others, she will ultimately end up seeing many of her own faults in addition to others'; or if she is always looking for faults in herself, she will find herself constantly looking for them in others.

This newly-understood fact that belief is everything caused me to look at my life in a different light. I realized that I search for the negative in situations, and so I search for such things in myself. I have always believed that closeness to God is based on time spent with Him, and so I feel distant from Him because significant amounts of alone time with Him haven't been made. My beliefs have, without my noticing, affected me in many negative ways.

This carries powerfully into relationships as well. Take Aaron and me, for example. For almost three years, we have believed in each other in incredible ways -- ways that, at the time, may not have even existed within us. I saw in him a very bright light as well as the most beautiful heart I have ever seen. Keep in mind, this was when we first met in high school. He was, at that time, a very very different person than what I first saw. But I believed in what God had shown me about him, and so I held on to it. Now, he is that same person who I first saw when we met. He is a speaker of life, a giver of love, a man with the heart of David. This isn't to say that it was because of my faith in him that he is the way he is today. That is all God's doing. But God does use other people's faith to work in powerful ways. Belief is everything.

And so, as I get ready to start my day with this new perspective, I'm reminded that it is not a waste of time to look for the best in people -- there is good in everyone. It is not wrong to have faith in the impossible -- nothing is impossible with God. And it is not impossible to love others just as God does -- Love Himself dwells within us.

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."

My Beginning and my End

Life.. is so extraordinarily busy... in some of the greatest ways possible. As I watch the days fly by, I realize that I'll soon be looking back on these times, probably while making some smart comment on how immature and naive I was. Life changes quickly and moves even faster, so I assume all I can do is adapt and accept that I don't know anything.

To grow up as quickly as I have has been my greatest privilege as well as my greatest reason for fear in my life. I look ahead to my "distant" future, which will, in fact, come faster than any other years have, wondering how different life will be and where God will take me. I look at my past, shaking my head at how oblivious I was to God's interference in my life. And I look at this moment, as I sit here simply sharing my thoughts, wondering if God will perhaps use them to encourage others.

As crazy as life has gotten, I've realized one thing: God is all I have had, He is all that I have, and He is all that I ever will have. He takes better care of me than anyone else in the world could. I have been blessed enough to experience extraordinary love on earth, but it is nothing compared to the love that God has for me. The songs that I sing to Him, He sings straight back to me with even more passion than I could ever dream of. When I die, I will leave everything and everyone behind; but He stays with me the entire way. He is all I have, and everything I have.

It is imperative that I remind myself of this every day. He is truly what life is all about. Even Jesus said, "Seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness above all else, and he will give you everything you need." He is the First and the Last. The Beginning and the End. My Beginning and my End.

Lyrics & Shockwaves

Tonight was youth group. It's always the best day of the week, even though it tends to be the most stressful. And, as always, tonight was incredible.

God always has a knack for moving in my life in very different and special ways every week. This week, like all others, was unique (oxymoron?). I led two worship songs this week (to even be able to say this is an extraordinary gift that God has unexpectedly given me throughout the last eight months or so), one of which was "In Your Freedom" by Hillsong. As I sang this song, I realized that they weren't just words. It was something holy, a heart cry, a relinquishing of all control. Complete surrender in the throne room of the Most High God. What??

As I began to sing the first verse and chorus, God hit me very hard. He surrounded me, lifted me, permeated every part of me. I had an extremely difficult time keeping it together. I barely made it through that first verse and chorus without choking on my own tears and laughter. He filled me in an instant, and I was overwhelmed.

Worship is so much more than a song. There is an incredible power that radiates from it that affects neighboring rooms, houses, cities. It is the source of a supernatural shockwave that affects everyone God places in its path. Who am I to treat it like it's just a song?

God is constantly teaching me new things. He is developing me into the worship leader that He has called me to be, and I'm willing to learn. Of course, as with any beginner, He knows to start with the basics, and I love Him for that.
              Step 1: Listen to the words. They're there for a reason.



"I search for You, God of strength. I bow to You in my brokenness. And no other king could have so humbly come to save my soul and heal my heart. I have nothing more than all You offer me. There is nothing else that's of worth to me. I love You, Lord. You rescue me. You are all that I want. You're all that I need."

Growing Old in the Snow

You know you're a senior when every time it snows, you convince yourself that it's too dangerous to drive. It's a beautiful thing.

So... today is my little friend Nicki Wagner's 10th birthday. Turning 10 was more of an accomplishment for me than anything else, as I'm sure is true for her. No more single digits, teenage years were dead ahead, and I could finally run up to my parents and make them nauseous simply by saying (which, at the age of 10, meant yelling), "MOM! DAD! I'M A DECADE OLD!" Of course, the only thing that parents take from this innocent statement is that they are, in fact, a decade older.

As I approach my 18th birthday, I'm reminded of how short life really is. All of my childhood memories seem like only days ago, when, really, they are much farther away. Going the other way is even more baffling. Eighteen used to seem so old to me; now it seems so young. Looking ahead to when I'll get married seems like an eternity away, but the years from now until then will go faster than I can imagine.

The thought of growing old with someone is very daunting. "'Til death do us part" is a long time. But growing old with someone is something that is so rare and special nowadays that it must be more than simply getting wrinkles and drinking prune juice together until you die. It's about growing together as you shrink together (cue drum set). Learning to love one another rather than tolerate each other. Living in the present and enjoying every moment together rather than living for whatever the future may have to offer.

Marriage was never meant to be like dating on steroids. It is something special, permanent, and holy. It is the representation of Jesus' relationship with His Church, His Bride. Though He may get frustrated with her at times, He will never divorce her. She may cheat on Him, but He will never stop loving her.

As a girl, I get extremely excited at the thought of my wedding day. It's the day we girls have dressed up for since we were little. The day we've thought of on many first dates. But it's also the day we've been ill-prepared for by Hollywood and Nicholas Sparks. Jerks.

As a Christian, though, I get to practice. God is my husband. He is meant to be the "head of the house." He will guide me through decisions when necessary, and sometimes make them for me; but, most of the time, He wants to make decisions with me. Though we may disagree at times, it is my duty, as a wife, to submit to my husband - my God, my King, and my Love. I will grow old with Him first, and then with my husband on earth.

Practice doesn't make perfect.. it just makes life a lot easier.

Anchors & Sails

So it's official. I have a blog. Being a conformist rocks sometimes.

In the words of the great Alyssa Casey, "Naming a blog is like naming a child." Or something like that. I literally sat here for half an hour trying to think of a kick-butt name for my blog, but instead settled with one deriving from my recent fascination with sailboats. Weird.

As a first-time blogger, I can only pray you don't expect much from me. You may see some attempted humor here and there, but you'll probably find yourself, for the most part, reading the nonsense that makes its way from my thoughts to my fingertips. Like most blogs.

I guess maybe now is the time to say something profound... uh....... Anchors & Sails. Let's make this profound:

As I named my blog, I realized something, well, PROFOUND. Everyone's life contains anchors and sails. Recently, I decided against going to a university and am now planning on going to community college. That's like a cardinal sin to most people. What I discovered, though, was that we are our own anchor, and God is our sail. There have been incredible opportunities that God has laid before me. These would be sacrificed if I had decided to go to a university. I had planned on going to a university for reasons of my own: an internship seemed appealing to me, college life seemed like a lot of fun, being away from home and starting over would be great. But God had a different plan, and He is now putting it into action. He is my sail. He always has been. Every time that I have relinquished control and let Him take me wherever He desired, I have learned more, had more fun, and been on greater adventures than I ever could have imagined.

Sometimes, when storms come, we feel it's safest to drop anchor and wait it out; but letting God move us through the storms is the greatest thing we could do. It allows us to completely surrender to Him - to His power, His will, His love.

God, help me to cut my anchor and allow You to carry me wherever You make the wind blow.