My Beginning and my End

Life.. is so extraordinarily busy... in some of the greatest ways possible. As I watch the days fly by, I realize that I'll soon be looking back on these times, probably while making some smart comment on how immature and naive I was. Life changes quickly and moves even faster, so I assume all I can do is adapt and accept that I don't know anything.

To grow up as quickly as I have has been my greatest privilege as well as my greatest reason for fear in my life. I look ahead to my "distant" future, which will, in fact, come faster than any other years have, wondering how different life will be and where God will take me. I look at my past, shaking my head at how oblivious I was to God's interference in my life. And I look at this moment, as I sit here simply sharing my thoughts, wondering if God will perhaps use them to encourage others.

As crazy as life has gotten, I've realized one thing: God is all I have had, He is all that I have, and He is all that I ever will have. He takes better care of me than anyone else in the world could. I have been blessed enough to experience extraordinary love on earth, but it is nothing compared to the love that God has for me. The songs that I sing to Him, He sings straight back to me with even more passion than I could ever dream of. When I die, I will leave everything and everyone behind; but He stays with me the entire way. He is all I have, and everything I have.

It is imperative that I remind myself of this every day. He is truly what life is all about. Even Jesus said, "Seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness above all else, and he will give you everything you need." He is the First and the Last. The Beginning and the End. My Beginning and my End.

Lyrics & Shockwaves

Tonight was youth group. It's always the best day of the week, even though it tends to be the most stressful. And, as always, tonight was incredible.

God always has a knack for moving in my life in very different and special ways every week. This week, like all others, was unique (oxymoron?). I led two worship songs this week (to even be able to say this is an extraordinary gift that God has unexpectedly given me throughout the last eight months or so), one of which was "In Your Freedom" by Hillsong. As I sang this song, I realized that they weren't just words. It was something holy, a heart cry, a relinquishing of all control. Complete surrender in the throne room of the Most High God. What??

As I began to sing the first verse and chorus, God hit me very hard. He surrounded me, lifted me, permeated every part of me. I had an extremely difficult time keeping it together. I barely made it through that first verse and chorus without choking on my own tears and laughter. He filled me in an instant, and I was overwhelmed.

Worship is so much more than a song. There is an incredible power that radiates from it that affects neighboring rooms, houses, cities. It is the source of a supernatural shockwave that affects everyone God places in its path. Who am I to treat it like it's just a song?

God is constantly teaching me new things. He is developing me into the worship leader that He has called me to be, and I'm willing to learn. Of course, as with any beginner, He knows to start with the basics, and I love Him for that.
              Step 1: Listen to the words. They're there for a reason.



"I search for You, God of strength. I bow to You in my brokenness. And no other king could have so humbly come to save my soul and heal my heart. I have nothing more than all You offer me. There is nothing else that's of worth to me. I love You, Lord. You rescue me. You are all that I want. You're all that I need."

Growing Old in the Snow

You know you're a senior when every time it snows, you convince yourself that it's too dangerous to drive. It's a beautiful thing.

So... today is my little friend Nicki Wagner's 10th birthday. Turning 10 was more of an accomplishment for me than anything else, as I'm sure is true for her. No more single digits, teenage years were dead ahead, and I could finally run up to my parents and make them nauseous simply by saying (which, at the age of 10, meant yelling), "MOM! DAD! I'M A DECADE OLD!" Of course, the only thing that parents take from this innocent statement is that they are, in fact, a decade older.

As I approach my 18th birthday, I'm reminded of how short life really is. All of my childhood memories seem like only days ago, when, really, they are much farther away. Going the other way is even more baffling. Eighteen used to seem so old to me; now it seems so young. Looking ahead to when I'll get married seems like an eternity away, but the years from now until then will go faster than I can imagine.

The thought of growing old with someone is very daunting. "'Til death do us part" is a long time. But growing old with someone is something that is so rare and special nowadays that it must be more than simply getting wrinkles and drinking prune juice together until you die. It's about growing together as you shrink together (cue drum set). Learning to love one another rather than tolerate each other. Living in the present and enjoying every moment together rather than living for whatever the future may have to offer.

Marriage was never meant to be like dating on steroids. It is something special, permanent, and holy. It is the representation of Jesus' relationship with His Church, His Bride. Though He may get frustrated with her at times, He will never divorce her. She may cheat on Him, but He will never stop loving her.

As a girl, I get extremely excited at the thought of my wedding day. It's the day we girls have dressed up for since we were little. The day we've thought of on many first dates. But it's also the day we've been ill-prepared for by Hollywood and Nicholas Sparks. Jerks.

As a Christian, though, I get to practice. God is my husband. He is meant to be the "head of the house." He will guide me through decisions when necessary, and sometimes make them for me; but, most of the time, He wants to make decisions with me. Though we may disagree at times, it is my duty, as a wife, to submit to my husband - my God, my King, and my Love. I will grow old with Him first, and then with my husband on earth.

Practice doesn't make perfect.. it just makes life a lot easier.

Anchors & Sails

So it's official. I have a blog. Being a conformist rocks sometimes.

In the words of the great Alyssa Casey, "Naming a blog is like naming a child." Or something like that. I literally sat here for half an hour trying to think of a kick-butt name for my blog, but instead settled with one deriving from my recent fascination with sailboats. Weird.

As a first-time blogger, I can only pray you don't expect much from me. You may see some attempted humor here and there, but you'll probably find yourself, for the most part, reading the nonsense that makes its way from my thoughts to my fingertips. Like most blogs.

I guess maybe now is the time to say something profound... uh....... Anchors & Sails. Let's make this profound:

As I named my blog, I realized something, well, PROFOUND. Everyone's life contains anchors and sails. Recently, I decided against going to a university and am now planning on going to community college. That's like a cardinal sin to most people. What I discovered, though, was that we are our own anchor, and God is our sail. There have been incredible opportunities that God has laid before me. These would be sacrificed if I had decided to go to a university. I had planned on going to a university for reasons of my own: an internship seemed appealing to me, college life seemed like a lot of fun, being away from home and starting over would be great. But God had a different plan, and He is now putting it into action. He is my sail. He always has been. Every time that I have relinquished control and let Him take me wherever He desired, I have learned more, had more fun, and been on greater adventures than I ever could have imagined.

Sometimes, when storms come, we feel it's safest to drop anchor and wait it out; but letting God move us through the storms is the greatest thing we could do. It allows us to completely surrender to Him - to His power, His will, His love.

God, help me to cut my anchor and allow You to carry me wherever You make the wind blow.