Hey everyone!
I know it's been a long time since my last post, but a lot of really amazing things have been happening in my world! I finished my first two years of college, started a business, and got engaged, among other things.
But here's the real reason I'm writing: Last summer, my heart was broken for the people of Belize. This year, I want to go back.
In a giant leap of faith, I raised money and went on a missions trip to Belize with my college group a year ago and had no idea what to expect. There was no telling what we would be doing, who I would meet, or how I would respond to the incredible things God was doing there. I didn't understand their culture, I couldn't understand their living situations, and I never knew how incredible each and every person I encountered there could be.
We spent a week in the hottest, most humid, miserable place I'd ever been to, and it is still the greatest experience of my life. We had the opportunity to play with children who receive no attention at home, we painted poorly-built schools with leaky roofs, and we built relationships with children and adults alike who have never been invested into. I got my butt kicked at soccer by a six-year-old, spoke Spanish with an abuelita who couldn't remember the last time she smiled, and spent time with a man who has literally died and come back to life. In my years of volunteering around the community, I have never in my life laughed more, cried more, and seen more of the purest glory of God than when I was in Belize.
Last year, I left my heart in Belize. This year, I'm going back. Will you help me get there?
www.gofundme.com/sendjentobelize
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dear Valentine:
Dear High School Valentine,
You created a day of the year to make me realize that I am alone. So I'm bitter. I hate you.
Dear current Valentine,
You didn't create this day. God did. And He made it good. I didn't find you. God brought us together. And He is continually making us better. I was bitter in high school because of people who are in love like us, but now I understand that every day was created to celebrate Love. And everyone can have Love, especially if God is Love. My anger back then kept me from seeking after the Love who created love. And He is mine. And He gave you to me to love as He has loved me. Let's not use this day to celebrate ourselves, but the God who taught us to love each other as crazily as we do.
Dear High School Girls,
Please change your perspective. You're losing everything by choosing to be bitter every February 14th. Love is much bigger than one day. It is bigger than a romantic relationship. Showing love to others is what God expects of us every moment of every day. And being bitter about something as God-filled as love is a dangerous road.
You created a day of the year to make me realize that I am alone. So I'm bitter. I hate you.
Dear current Valentine,
You didn't create this day. God did. And He made it good. I didn't find you. God brought us together. And He is continually making us better. I was bitter in high school because of people who are in love like us, but now I understand that every day was created to celebrate Love. And everyone can have Love, especially if God is Love. My anger back then kept me from seeking after the Love who created love. And He is mine. And He gave you to me to love as He has loved me. Let's not use this day to celebrate ourselves, but the God who taught us to love each other as crazily as we do.
Dear High School Girls,
Please change your perspective. You're losing everything by choosing to be bitter every February 14th. Love is much bigger than one day. It is bigger than a romantic relationship. Showing love to others is what God expects of us every moment of every day. And being bitter about something as God-filled as love is a dangerous road.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Jump
Seventeen feet above the surface of Lake Tahoe is the top of an old boat lift that belongs to my great-uncle. My brothers, cousins, and I have spent many summers atop that lift sun-bathing, watching fireworks, or straining to see the last light of day reflect off the surface of the lake. The closest any of us had ever been to taking the other way down was simply peering over the edge before, reluctantly, taking the ladder instead.
Last summer was different.
The water level had risen a good four feet, and it was finally safe for us to jump off the top of that old lift. It didn't mean that we wanted to. But we could.
I'm gonna do it, I kept telling myself. I have to. I'm going to.
Much easier said than done, I must say.
Our first day on the lake was spent outside on the deck. It was a cool, beautiful day, but all I could think about was that drop. It's a long fall, Jen, I would think. Don't be reckless. But as soon as I caught myself feeling more gutsy than fearful, I knew it was time for me to go. Down the stairs I flew, with a towel in my hand -- fully clothed, of course. I couldn't risk losing such a strong emotion for the sake of a swimsuit.
My little brother trailed close behind -- he wanted to jump as well, just not by himself. He helped me a lot as well. There is strength in numbers.
As we started down the dock to the lift, I found myself doing all I could to silence my mind. Don't think, just go.
"Are you scared?" my little brother asked me.
"Yep."
"You don't look scared."
"Well... I can't look scared. Everyone's watching."
As we finished climbing the ladder, I knew I had no more time to lose. If I thought about it any longer, I'd end up climbing back down. I walked to the front edge and scoped out where I needed to land. With no time in between, I jogged to the back end of the lift, sprinted forward, and jumped straight out.
No time for second thoughts. No time to go back. Just straight hang time. And I was free.
I don't know what happened in me that day. I stared Reason in the face and then spat in it. Me. The girl who over-thinks and over-analyzes literally everything. But in those few minutes it took to walk down to the lift, I shut that part of myself down. I actually took a risk after I had analyzed it enough to know that it was an unnecessary thing for me to do. And I chose to be okay with it. I jumped.
It is an interesting feeling being suspended above a rapidly approaching body of water. In the literal sense of time, there's not enough of it to do or say anything besides a quick WHAT AM I DOING?! What's fascinating, though, is that those few moments felt like minutes to me. So many thoughts were rushing through my head but, looking back, I realize that God Himself was with me in those moments of free-fall, and those were the moments I treasured most from that week on the lake.
I believe with everything in me that God wants me to live my life in hang time. He desires for me to trust Him enough to jump without reservation and brace myself for wherever He lands me. But in the time between the lift and the water, there is an inexplicable freedom and peace. It is a heavenly moment where you're no longer strapped to the land and all you can do is trust the wind to carry you to your landing point. It is a place of complete and total trust that God will land you where you will be even more immersed in Him.
I want to live my life there. I want to know God and trust God enough to jump without hesitation when He tells me to jump, to soar with Him on the way down, and to rejoice with Him after the landing. That is a life that is untethered. A life truly lived. A life that has been freed.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Last summer was different.
The water level had risen a good four feet, and it was finally safe for us to jump off the top of that old lift. It didn't mean that we wanted to. But we could.
I'm gonna do it, I kept telling myself. I have to. I'm going to.
Much easier said than done, I must say.
Our first day on the lake was spent outside on the deck. It was a cool, beautiful day, but all I could think about was that drop. It's a long fall, Jen, I would think. Don't be reckless. But as soon as I caught myself feeling more gutsy than fearful, I knew it was time for me to go. Down the stairs I flew, with a towel in my hand -- fully clothed, of course. I couldn't risk losing such a strong emotion for the sake of a swimsuit.
My little brother trailed close behind -- he wanted to jump as well, just not by himself. He helped me a lot as well. There is strength in numbers.
As we started down the dock to the lift, I found myself doing all I could to silence my mind. Don't think, just go.
"Are you scared?" my little brother asked me.
"Yep."
"You don't look scared."
"Well... I can't look scared. Everyone's watching."
As we finished climbing the ladder, I knew I had no more time to lose. If I thought about it any longer, I'd end up climbing back down. I walked to the front edge and scoped out where I needed to land. With no time in between, I jogged to the back end of the lift, sprinted forward, and jumped straight out.
No time for second thoughts. No time to go back. Just straight hang time. And I was free.
I don't know what happened in me that day. I stared Reason in the face and then spat in it. Me. The girl who over-thinks and over-analyzes literally everything. But in those few minutes it took to walk down to the lift, I shut that part of myself down. I actually took a risk after I had analyzed it enough to know that it was an unnecessary thing for me to do. And I chose to be okay with it. I jumped.
It is an interesting feeling being suspended above a rapidly approaching body of water. In the literal sense of time, there's not enough of it to do or say anything besides a quick WHAT AM I DOING?! What's fascinating, though, is that those few moments felt like minutes to me. So many thoughts were rushing through my head but, looking back, I realize that God Himself was with me in those moments of free-fall, and those were the moments I treasured most from that week on the lake.
I believe with everything in me that God wants me to live my life in hang time. He desires for me to trust Him enough to jump without reservation and brace myself for wherever He lands me. But in the time between the lift and the water, there is an inexplicable freedom and peace. It is a heavenly moment where you're no longer strapped to the land and all you can do is trust the wind to carry you to your landing point. It is a place of complete and total trust that God will land you where you will be even more immersed in Him.
I want to live my life there. I want to know God and trust God enough to jump without hesitation when He tells me to jump, to soar with Him on the way down, and to rejoice with Him after the landing. That is a life that is untethered. A life truly lived. A life that has been freed.
Joshua 1:9
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Monday, August 8, 2011
To Be a Child
There is a certain innocence about children that adults can clearly see, but not always fully understand. Children are wise, aware, and incredibly understanding - yet they maintain a certain air about themselves that leaves adults wondering, desperately straining to remember what it was like to be so... free. We have forgotten what it is like to be a child.
This desire stems from the seed that God has planted in the heart of every single man and woman who has ever lived. God created Man to worship Him, and so He has given every man that urge - though it may be satisfied in ways God had not intended. To worship is "to feel or express reverence or adoration." To worship is to be like the child who stands before his parents in adoration. To worship is to look upon the face of God with such love-struck awe that it impossible to be stolen away by anything else. It is not a matter of music. It is not art. It is 100% pure and innocent admiration and adoration offered up by the creation to his Creator. It is the call upon each and every one of our lives - why we were made: to worship the God who created life itself.
Those who enter the Kingdom of Heaven will enter "as a child." Not literally in the form of a child -- I can't imagine Heaven being like a giant playground -- but with the heart of a child. We enter through Heaven's gates with a heart that is so pure and untainted by the distractions in this world that all we desire to do is to look upon the face of our Maker. To stand before Him and hear that He is proud of us and pleased with what we've done is, like a child, our greatest pride and joy.
Worship, therefore, is the most passion-filled act that any person on this earth can do. It is the source of where we find purpose on this earth. It is the privilege of heart-felt communion with God Himself, and He delights in it just as a father delights in his children.
God has called worshipers who will worship Him "in spirit and in truth." Not "in jumping and in solid harmonies." This is not to say that music or jumping is bad - it is just not, in my opinion, the source of worship itself. It is simply in those forms that the outpouring of praise and adoration happen -- it is the avenue by which we can express our pure love and adoration and awe to God. And it is in this true worship that He delights. A tongue-tied toddler's worship is, if offered in spirit and in truth, more pleasing to God than the worship of incredibly talented, yet heartless, worship bands.
That is my aim as a worship leader -- not to be focused on the music so much as where my own heart lies; whether, based on the position of my heart, my worship is worthy of God's ears. It's hard. I'm such a perfectionist (and musician) that I really desire the music to be as great as it possibly can be -- however, God desires a heart of worship. Music will come later. All I have to do at this point is be as a child, and God will handle the rest.
This desire stems from the seed that God has planted in the heart of every single man and woman who has ever lived. God created Man to worship Him, and so He has given every man that urge - though it may be satisfied in ways God had not intended. To worship is "to feel or express reverence or adoration." To worship is to be like the child who stands before his parents in adoration. To worship is to look upon the face of God with such love-struck awe that it impossible to be stolen away by anything else. It is not a matter of music. It is not art. It is 100% pure and innocent admiration and adoration offered up by the creation to his Creator. It is the call upon each and every one of our lives - why we were made: to worship the God who created life itself.
Those who enter the Kingdom of Heaven will enter "as a child." Not literally in the form of a child -- I can't imagine Heaven being like a giant playground -- but with the heart of a child. We enter through Heaven's gates with a heart that is so pure and untainted by the distractions in this world that all we desire to do is to look upon the face of our Maker. To stand before Him and hear that He is proud of us and pleased with what we've done is, like a child, our greatest pride and joy.
Worship, therefore, is the most passion-filled act that any person on this earth can do. It is the source of where we find purpose on this earth. It is the privilege of heart-felt communion with God Himself, and He delights in it just as a father delights in his children.
God has called worshipers who will worship Him "in spirit and in truth." Not "in jumping and in solid harmonies." This is not to say that music or jumping is bad - it is just not, in my opinion, the source of worship itself. It is simply in those forms that the outpouring of praise and adoration happen -- it is the avenue by which we can express our pure love and adoration and awe to God. And it is in this true worship that He delights. A tongue-tied toddler's worship is, if offered in spirit and in truth, more pleasing to God than the worship of incredibly talented, yet heartless, worship bands.
That is my aim as a worship leader -- not to be focused on the music so much as where my own heart lies; whether, based on the position of my heart, my worship is worthy of God's ears. It's hard. I'm such a perfectionist (and musician) that I really desire the music to be as great as it possibly can be -- however, God desires a heart of worship. Music will come later. All I have to do at this point is be as a child, and God will handle the rest.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Life Lessons on the Playground
I'm sure you remember the swings. As soon as the bell went off, they were everyone's first priority. Especially considering that you KNEW that if you didn't book it there, you've lost your chance for the day's fun. Swings were (and still are) incredible.
I was driving home last night, just thinking about life, when I realized something extraordinarily simple, yet (to my knowledge) true: relationships are like the swing set.
Sounds strange - let me explain. As an experienced swinger (keep it clean), I understood the terms used when certain events occurred on the swings. My main example is the term "married." Once myself and the person swinging next to me were perfectly in sync, our automatic response was to shout, "WE'RE MARRIED!!"
Interestingly enough, this tends to be how relationships work. When you and another person are to be perfectly in sync with one another (and actually enjoy it), a solid relationship is formed. Seems simple enough.
Uh oh. Crisis. You're not the same person. You will get out of sync. It starts slowly, then becomes more dramatic and, next thing you know, you're not "married" anymore. Considering that (at least on the playground) the longer you're married with someone, the better swinger you are (again... keep it clean), we would do everything in our power to stay in sync. As soon as we became out of sync, we both made incredible efforts to get back in sync as soon as possible. We had to change the way we were moving and thinking so that we could get back on track. The earlier we caught ourselves, the faster we got back into a "marriage" that all the other kids on the playground wish they had.
I feel like we underestimate the wisdom that can be found in the simple way children think. It's important to understand that everyone has knowledge to share, whether it be the 87 year-old couple sitting in Starbucks or the seven year-old girl who loves being married on the swings.
Proverbs 5:18 _ May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
I was driving home last night, just thinking about life, when I realized something extraordinarily simple, yet (to my knowledge) true: relationships are like the swing set.
Sounds strange - let me explain. As an experienced swinger (keep it clean), I understood the terms used when certain events occurred on the swings. My main example is the term "married." Once myself and the person swinging next to me were perfectly in sync, our automatic response was to shout, "WE'RE MARRIED!!"
Interestingly enough, this tends to be how relationships work. When you and another person are to be perfectly in sync with one another (and actually enjoy it), a solid relationship is formed. Seems simple enough.
Uh oh. Crisis. You're not the same person. You will get out of sync. It starts slowly, then becomes more dramatic and, next thing you know, you're not "married" anymore. Considering that (at least on the playground) the longer you're married with someone, the better swinger you are (again... keep it clean), we would do everything in our power to stay in sync. As soon as we became out of sync, we both made incredible efforts to get back in sync as soon as possible. We had to change the way we were moving and thinking so that we could get back on track. The earlier we caught ourselves, the faster we got back into a "marriage" that all the other kids on the playground wish they had.
I feel like we underestimate the wisdom that can be found in the simple way children think. It's important to understand that everyone has knowledge to share, whether it be the 87 year-old couple sitting in Starbucks or the seven year-old girl who loves being married on the swings.
Proverbs 5:18 _ May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
God is my Shepherd
Plain and simple - I have peace, and I want to share it with you all. But first must come a vocabulary lesson:
Shepherd: one who herds, guards, tends, or guides
Wanting: not meeting requirements or expectations
Rest: relief or freedom from disquiet or disturbance
Peaceful: undisturbed by strife, turmoil, or disagreement
Valley: a long depression in the land surface, usually containing a river, formed by erosion or by movements in the earth's crust
Shadow: an area that is not or is only partially irradiated or illuminated because of the interception of radiation by an opaque object between the area and the source of radiation
Death: the termination or extinction of something
Fear: a feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm caused by impending danger, pain, etc.
Close: being near in space or time
Beside: at the side of; next to
Rod: a scepter, staff, or wand symbolizing power or authority
Staff: a hooked rod used to direct a sheep toward the correct direction, or the curved end could be used to pull the sheep toward the shepherd. At times it was also used to chastise a disobedient sheep.
Protect: to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger
Feast: something extremely pleasing or sumptuous
Enemy: something that harms or opposes; adversary
Anoint: to choose by or as if by divine intervention
Cup: a lot or portion to be suffered or enjoyed; a small open container
Overflow: to fill or be filled beyond capacity so as to spill or run over
Unfailing: incapable of being entirely consumed or used up
Pursue: to follow in an effort to overtake or capture; chase
House: a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin
Then, Psalm 23:
God is my Shepherd. I won't be wanting. He lets me rest in green meadows, He leads me beside peaceful streams. He restores my soul. He guides me along the path of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will not fear, for You are close beside me. Your rod and staff protect and comfort me. You prepare for me a feast in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely Your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of God forever.
God is my Shepherd. He leads me, guides me, and tends to me. I am not wanting - God has given me so much that there is nothing that needs be asked of Him. Even though I am in a depression caused by the circumstances around me, I will not fear. Though it is dark, I will seek that peaceful river that lies within this valley. I cannot be without peace, for You are standing right next to me here. Your rod reminds me that You are my King; Your staff reminds me that You are my Father. Both comfort me and guard me from the attacks of my adversaries. You are my feast, even when I am surrounded by danger and my enemies. You are my joy, my fulfillment, my celebration. You have called me Your own and chosen me for Your purposes; my life overflows with blessing because I have accepted Your call. Surely You are good. Surely Your love is unfailing as You are. And these will chase me until I am captured by Your love and Your kindness, even until the day I die. And I will make You my home, my refuge - the place where I truly belong.
The Bible is full of poetry. I have never had more peace in my heart than when reading this verse.
Love you guys!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
From Beast to Prince Charming
I suppose my first childhood role model (apart from my mother) was Princess Belle from Beauty and the Beast. She had it all - wit, energy, brown hair. I could be her! All it took was a yellow dress, earrings, and, of course, a prince. A handsome prince. Not a scary one like Beast. Or even the nice one he turned into (his long hair immediately turned me off to the idea). No. He would be perfect. Inspiring. Charming. Unfortunately, I quickly learned that such boys cannot be found on the playground. It was then that I began to believe that they couldn't be found anywhere. It was a hopeless case, and I lost interest very quickly.
What I failed to recognize, however, is that Beast wasn't charming at all! He was rude, messy, and probably smelled really bad. He was mean, selfish, inconsiderate - everything that would repel the ladies (did you say "ladies" with an accent? Oh... me neither...). What I find interesting, though, is that after time, he began to transform. He became kind, gentle, caring. Gradually, he morphed into a handsome(ish) prince not only in character, but in every other way possible. Strange. Princes take time to develop? That's a different thought.
Prince Charming is real. He is, in fact (prepare for predictable, yet truthful, corn), Jesus Christ. And the Prince Charming you will find on earth (with patience) is a reflection of Jesus Christ. He is loving, caring, encouraging. He will protect you, wait for you, and take care of you. His intentions are pure, his love is unconditional, and he has your best interests in mind. He will sacrifice himself to make you whole and pay any price to keep you in his arms. That is who a true prince is. Not a man who can deceive you with smooth words and obligatory acts of "love." No. That man wants to get in your pants. He's not a prince, but is a dirty, lying beast who has absolutely no intention of keeping you, taking care of you, or protecting you. Um... in light of that, I prefer to have my prince. He's a real one.
To the girls reading this, please please PLEASE be patient. Most princesses in the movies found their princes without looking for them. They didn't have to put on a show to get a prince's attention. They didn't have to post attention-getting photos on their facebook. These princes found them and loved them without needing to be impressed (kind of... most princess movies are full of infatuation. But that's beside the point). My point is that you don't need to look for your prince. More often than not, he'll find you. Who knows? He may be your best friend - the one who just needs that bit of time to transform. Be patient, and don't let yourself be deceived in the meantime. It would break his heart.
What I failed to recognize, however, is that Beast wasn't charming at all! He was rude, messy, and probably smelled really bad. He was mean, selfish, inconsiderate - everything that would repel the ladies (did you say "ladies" with an accent? Oh... me neither...). What I find interesting, though, is that after time, he began to transform. He became kind, gentle, caring. Gradually, he morphed into a handsome(ish) prince not only in character, but in every other way possible. Strange. Princes take time to develop? That's a different thought.
Prince Charming is real. He is, in fact (prepare for predictable, yet truthful, corn), Jesus Christ. And the Prince Charming you will find on earth (with patience) is a reflection of Jesus Christ. He is loving, caring, encouraging. He will protect you, wait for you, and take care of you. His intentions are pure, his love is unconditional, and he has your best interests in mind. He will sacrifice himself to make you whole and pay any price to keep you in his arms. That is who a true prince is. Not a man who can deceive you with smooth words and obligatory acts of "love." No. That man wants to get in your pants. He's not a prince, but is a dirty, lying beast who has absolutely no intention of keeping you, taking care of you, or protecting you. Um... in light of that, I prefer to have my prince. He's a real one.
To the girls reading this, please please PLEASE be patient. Most princesses in the movies found their princes without looking for them. They didn't have to put on a show to get a prince's attention. They didn't have to post attention-getting photos on their facebook. These princes found them and loved them without needing to be impressed (kind of... most princess movies are full of infatuation. But that's beside the point). My point is that you don't need to look for your prince. More often than not, he'll find you. Who knows? He may be your best friend - the one who just needs that bit of time to transform. Be patient, and don't let yourself be deceived in the meantime. It would break his heart.
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